IF you love me

If you love me
If you consider me a friend or a part of your family

If you want to know how I feel
If you think I'm creative
If you have experienced the death of a loved one
If you have experienced the birth of a child
If you can appreciate the extraordinary number of hours I spent making this over the past few weeks
If you want to share in the love that I have for Easton and Uncle Dave

you'll take 2 minutes and 24 seconds to watch the movie I created.

TURN UP YOUR VOLUME FIRST! (then click with your mouse on the big Play button in the middle of the picture below)

This is called, "If only I could":



Also, it will be a much better experience if you watch this in full screen... Here is the direct video link to YouTube in case you want to see it there instead of through my blog: http://www.youtube.com/v/ngClMrR7GB4

Everyone works through feelings of grief and life and change in different ways. I've chosen to deal with the loss of my Uncle Dave by honoring the memory of our time together through a short video clip. Easton was born on February 7th and then Dave died 3 weeks later on March 1st. Their lives only crossed paths for 3 very short weeks and I'm the only link these two people will have. Dave was supposed to be here. HE was supposed to be the one to teach Easton all of the things he taught me. I'd give anything to have Dave here again.

To be a part of Easton's life
To share with him what is unconditional love
To show him what is compassion
To comfort him when things go wrong
To listen without judgment
To spoil him with sugar on top of chocolate cream pie
To take him flying in a 4 seater airplane
To help him with math homework
To give him advice on dating
To be there no matter what

Now I'll have to be Daddy and also Uncle Dave through the life I live and character I display every single day because Dave is gone forever. I'm finally starting to accept that truth even though grief still overwhelms me at times. It overwhelms me to the point of sobbing with tears running down to my chin and onto my shirt even as I write this blog.

I hope more than anything that you see how much impact Dave had on me over the past 20 years and how that will resonate like echoes in a canyon as I take the good from our relationship and pass that on to Easton in due time. Realize that you, too, have those younger people in your life who watch and learn and love you, but only if you let them inside your heart. Dont build walls. Don't hold grudges. Don't let unforgiveness or your own pride get in the way of an opportunity to let them in so they can really know you and experience you.

Jack Johnson is one of my favorite singers and I've listened to the song playing in the video more than a thousand times. Here are the words in case you are unable to view the video or the quality is too poor on YouTube. I have a high quality copy of my creation on DVD if you're interested...

"If I Could" -- Jack Johnson

A brand new baby was born yesterday

Just in time

Papa cried, baby cried

Said "Your tears are like mine"

I heard some words

From a friend on the phone

That didn't sound so good

The doctor gave him two weeks to live

I'd give him more if I could

You know that I would now

If only I could

You know that I would now

If only I could

Down the middle drops one more

Grain of sand

They say that

New life makes losing life easier to understand

Words are kind

They helped ease the mind

I'll miss my old friend

And though you gotta go

We'll keep a piece of your soul

One goes out

One comes in

You know that I would now

If only I could

You know that I would now

If only I could

Thank you for reading and watching today. It means so much for me to share with you like this.