The death of cool

Greetings friends and family,

Over the past couple of weeks Kendra and I independently came to (roughly) the same conclusion: We are not cool.

Before you console me in comments, realize that I am perfectly content in realizing I don't care about my relative coolness. On the other hand, Kendra began to wax poetic about some "cool" teeny boppers she passed in the mall yesterday. She described their trendy clothing and hair all done-up and makeup, etc.

All I could think of to say is, "don't worry, that kind of stuff isn't important to me and besides, I married you for your natural beauty and am glad you don't have to do all that fakeness to look good."

Inside I felt very proud of myself for coming up with such a true and complimentary response. Come to find out, I should have stuck with my gut and remembered girls don't want answers, they want to know you heard them. Next time I'll deliver my standard response with a hug: "i'm sorry you feel that way..."

Anyway, I know I am not cool according to the common urban usage of the word and here are a few ways this is abundantly clear:

1. Some articles of clothing in my closet are 10 years old... and I still wear them.
2. My decision to wear contacts or glasses is based solely on whether I will kicked in the head during martial arts training that day, NOT on whether I should wear my "pretty eyes" as a fashion statement to go with my sweater.
3. I have a G35 with 20 inch chrome wheels, but... When I replace it I will choose between a minivan and a moped. Seriously.
4. Going out dancing no longer refers to Kendra and I grooving in a sea of trendy hipsters at a local club. It refers to Layla, Easton, and I "going out" to the living room after their PJs are on so we can bob around on the rug looking like Elaine from the Seinfeld TV show.
5. "Happy hour" IS every day from 5-7 PM. However, it does not refer to half-priced sushi and hanging out with a group of friends. It refers to Kendra's break from being with the twins all day when I get home from work. Occasionally it still refers to half-priced sushi, but now I have to include apologizing to the waitress for being hit with edamame beans, thanks to Layla.


I discovered what I believe to be a universal principle: Being cool is the antithesis of being a good parent unless you are on The Forbes 400 richest Americans list. Then it is possible to be both cool and a good parent assuming you don't work 100 hours per week your entire life and sacrifice time with the family... If you are a common man not on that list, then there are opportunity costs of being cool. Decisions must be made with both time and money where doing what is cool goes against doing what is best for the family and the future of kids.

There is a price to pay for coolness and I'm just no longer interested in keeping that cost in my monthly budget of time or dollar expenses. Besides, there is an element of cool that cannot be purchased OR learned and I never had it even before marriage and kids. Luckily Easton and Layla already have more of that coolness than I ever had at my peak (whenever it was). Easton clearly has that special factor working in his favor.


The word cool may not be stricken from my vocabulary, but the connotation of cool has been forever altered. I don't consider myself as some uber-enlightened individual, just a normal dad and husband who is making progress on the quest to discover and implement continuous improvements.

Maslow and his hierarchy are wrong. That statement alone may send some into a defensive tirade of the sacrilegiousness associated with such a claim. Hear me out though... The "self-actualization" concept is sad and shameful. If me reaching my ultimate potential in life is "doing what I want to do" then that is nothing more than selfish fulfillment and self-centered motives to please others in an effort to be cool. What a truly sad waste of life and resources that would be. Those who never get beyond themselves as the center of their world never get to experience real purpose or meaning in life.

Pouring time and money and resources into other people (kids or spouse or community or those in need) is the highest level of cool I can possibly comprehend. Francis Bacon said, "It is a poor center of a man’s actions, himself." and I'm finding out what that really means one day at a time.