Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Redefine Normal, Temporarily

Greetings friends and family,

Kendra took over my blog because she is my first priority and the most important person on the planet.  The purpose of my blog has always been to share the adventures we have with twins, but there is no "4 Webbs" without Kendra.  I only get to give one side of the story for everything that happens in our lives, but it's the only thing I have to offer.  Just a father and husband's point of view on what it's like to go through this journey.

Anyway, we are finding a new version of normal in our house, but it's temporary.  I know things won't go back to the way we were before, but I have no idea what life for us will be like next week, next month, or next year.  Whatever five-year plan I had is no longer valid so we are navigating, flowing, and living flexibly.  However, everyone keeps having birthdays even school mates.  That means birthday parties, bad pizza, and gift giving.  I took the twins by toys 'r us to get a gift before we headed over.  As we passed by a display I noticed there was a twins display where two dolls were in one package including a double stroller.  I said, "hey this is what it was like to have you two as babies!"  Layla said, "awe, that's so cute."  Easton said, "Can I go to the Lego aisle?"  I asked him to pause for a picture and here's the not-so-happy result.

This is partly reflective of a phase Easton is going through.  He's responding in ways that are not typical for him, but our best guess is that he's having a difficult time dealing with Kendra's bedridden lifestyle.  He's not a big fan of change (big shock) and this is definitely a time of changes.  Even so, some things continue on just as if the past month never happened.

I don't understand why all the kids get to eat and talk together while the birthday girl sits alone on her blow-up throne with pizza on her lap.  She just sat there lonely and quiet, balancing the pizza plate.  If it were my party I would rather have interactions with my friends than feel royal in the blow-up seat.  Just an observation as the parents sat around bored watching the kids do their thing.

Easton and I fully repaired and restored his Lego space shuttle.  The wings fell off and we had to rebuild them.  We worked through many steps together over the course of a few days.  Then I came home one night and he said, "I finished my space shuttle!"  I was amazed that he took it on and built the rest of it all by himself.

That led to some playtime with the two of us blasting off to the moon to repair a satellite and set up a colony.  His imagination is still fully alive and I'm interacting with Easton to make sure he keeps it that way.

Oupa brought his golf clubs the spring break visit.  There wasn't a trip planned for Kendra's parents to be here during this time, but as fate would have it we get to enjoy both of them for 10 days or so.  One of Oupa's adventures included taking Easton and Layla on their first full executive nine-hole course.  I took them through a junior course a few weeks ago, but Oupa stepped it up a notch.  The twins looked forward to two things for each hole:  washing the golf balls and drinking water from the paper cone cups.

Easton and I were lagging behind as we struggled to keep up with the group in front of us.  Oupa led the way and Layla followed close behind most of the time.  Layla is taking after Oupa in many ways including the walk, passion, and hopefully golf swing.

Nine holes was short for them especially since they didn't even hit off the tee box.  They started their first stroke for each hole at the place where our drive landed.  They walked the whole course and finished all nine holes.  All with limited whining.  That's a "win" in my book.  

I was proud of the twins for persevering and proud of Oupa and I for not losing patience.  Every hole was a never-ending teaching opportunity for etiquette, rules, and manners on the golf course.  For an angry person or someone low on patience there would have been many moments of adult tantrums, but we did exceptionally well in passing this test and passing on the tradition of golf being a gentlemen's and ladies game.

One of the most exciting moments of the past few days was going to church with Kendra.  We've gone alone or not at all for the past few weeks.  I spent my entire church time answering the same question, "how's Kendra?"  Some people asked how I am doing, but every single person asked about Kendra.  I'm glad people care, but I was happy for her to tell people herself how she's doing.  Having her by my side made the day feel complete.  Her back hurt terribly and has been in constant pain for almost a month now.  Even so, her smile is genuine because she is happy in spite of the pain affecting her body.

On Monday we spent the morning together going on the only kind of date we've had for the past month:  a doctor date.  I drive, we talk, sit, wait, meet with doctors, go through tests, and wade through the never-ending open waters of cancer treatment.  Here she is by the Radiation Oncology / Cyberknife sign.  We'll be spending every day for the next 5-20 days here.  We'll know more tomorrow about the scheduling for Kendra's treatment, but as with every other aspect of our life right now we are intently focused on today.  one day at a time.

See you soon!

No comments: