Nobody thinks about the sickness part of the vows on the wedding day. I know I didn't. Youth and invincibility leads to a serious oversight of this key phrase, but now that I am faced with living this out in marriage, my love for Kendra is functioning exactly as I vowed on that day 13 years ago.
In an odd twist of fate, the week of my 40th birthday included a trip to the emergency room for Kendra. She's had back pain for the past 6 weeks from an incident where she coughed and popped something out of alignment in her back. She's been slowly recovering from that and had the best pain-free day yesterday since it happened.
This morning she was in the kitchen and sneezed. She said she heard and felt something pop and then she started screaming in pain and went down to the floor on her stomach. Her back seized up and she lay there for a few minutes trying to figure out what to do. Easton and Layla and I stood by helpless as we assessed the situation.
Kendra said she wanted to get to our bed so I helped her stand up and we started walking towards the bedroom slowly in a waltz dancing kind of posture. She felt light-headed, then collapsed straight down as she passed out. She came to about 20 seconds later and I helped her back to her feet. We made it to the bed where she laid on her back to get some relief from the pain.
We made an appointment with her doctor and I drove her there. On the way she passed out a couple of times from the pain and felt nauseous. I went inside the doctor's office to explain Kendra's condition and the doctor told me to drive her directly to the emergency room across the street. I dropped her off, checked her in, and then picked up the kids from school. We arrived back at the emergency room where the twins were able to give her some loving and know she was OK.
I planned on it being an outpatient kind of thing where they give her a shot and some drugs and then send us home for Kendra to recover. That didn't happen. They ran a CT scan and noticed something on the T12 vertebrae. Then they ordered an MRI which took a few hours to coordinate. By that time the kids were in bed and I was at home. Our friend, Tam, came over to watch over the sleeping kids while I went to be with Kendra.
The nurse practitioner showed us the MRI and explained every 3D aspect of what it showed. Kendra's discs are good and all but one of her vertebrae are in good condition. However, there is a lesion on the T12 vertebrae. I'm not sure what that means, but it looks like a round, dark spot on the MRI. It's not a fracture or anything broken, but something is definitely there. The nurse mentioned it could be a cyst or tumor, but since she's not the neurosurgeon she wasn't able to give even a guess.
So now we wait. Not knowing is the most difficult part. Friday morning the neurosurgeon will review the MRI and recommend next steps. The nurse seemed to think the next step will be to get a biopsy, then send Kendra home, then wait 5-7 days for a report from the lab. The good news is that Kendra will probably come home Friday afternoon. That would make me very happy.
The outpouring of prayers and offers to help by our friends and family is overwhelming. We are truly blessed to have such great people in our lives to respond the way they are. I don't really know how to process this aspect of the day's events. Not sure what I expected, but to have so many wonderful people honestly be there for us in our time of need is something so spectacular I can't even put it into words. There is no fear. We are not worried.
In our freedom class last night and last Sunday we had the opportunity to pray for physical healings and witnessed a number of amazing breakthrough miracles. Now, 24 hours later, we are being confronted with the need for a miracle in Kendra's back. Challenge accepted! Do we really believe what we've been teaching for the past two years? We absolutely do. People only find out what they truly believe when a little pressure is applied.
I will not give a single sentence worth of credit to the devil with space on my blog or in my mind. This is not about what he's doing. This is about what God already did. We can talk all day about theology and doctrine, but when the rubber meets the road that is not what heals. There is no amount of knowledge or scripture that can bring life to Kendra's situation. It is God's presence on Earth to do for us what we can't do for ourselves that has the power to heal. I refuse to fight. I just surrender. I can't succeed or fail at something only God can do so I rest in Him. I don't control outcomes. That's His job.
Kendra is sleeping peacefully at the hospital and I am going to sleep peacefully in my own bed at home because I surrender completely.
See you soon!