I Thought This Was the End of the Blog

Greetings friends and family, for the last time.  

It is with the greatest spectrum of emotions that I post my last entry to the 4 Webb's blog. After 8 wonderful years and 1,150 posts, I'm ready to call an end to the most visible piece of our experiences as parents of twins.  There are two reasons for this decision.  

First, the twins are turning 8 years old next month and I will encourage them to tell their own story from this point forward.  I'm not sure what form that will take, but it probably won't be a blog site.  Blogs used to be big when I started this.  It's a place where I can add lots of pictures and videos and written stories in a single communication.  Then came Facebook where the stories are shorter and pictures of food are more common.  Then came Twitter with 140 character limit so there are virtually no stories and it boils down to witty comments by famous people.  Then came Instagram where the written words are completely meaningless.  Somehow along the way our society lost the art of story telling and expression through words.  

Second, Kendra's journey through cancer has reached a milestone that shifted so much inside me and I am prioritizing my time differently now.  Ten months ago I sat next to her hospital bed not knowing if she would ever leave the hospital alive or if she would ever walk again even if she made it out.  On Wednesday we woke up not knowing if the CT scan results would show new cancerous lesions.  That would indicate the treatments are not working on the aggressive cancer and she is on her way to her death bed.  The other end of the spectrum would be a completely clean scan showing no signs of cancer, proving the cancer is in remission and the treatments are working.  

The oncologist was smiling as she delivered the good news about her results showing the best possible outcome.  no signs of cancer anywhere and no new spots to go after!  I don't know if I'll ever have the words to express how that day felt emotionally.  Anyway, she'll be on inhibitor drugs and other regimens to keep the cancer from coming back and she'll be tested every few months to make sure she stays healthy.  

Anyway, one of the things I am figuring out through this past week is a deeper level of prioritization of my time.  The blog is time consuming with editing pictures, uploading, and writing.  I've enjoyed the process, but I'm just choosing to spend my time and energy elsewhere from now on.  I normally blog late at night after everyone else is asleep, but those precious few hours will be allocated to a different focus.  

There's one other reason I'm stopping the blog.  This form of communication is too much of a one-way street.  I get more from comments and feedback and interaction and discussion.  I'm not even sure if anyone even reads this anymore besides my immediate family.  Life is too short for me to be spending hours writing about myself and our adventures when there's no way for me to know if it's useful or impactful or even interesting.  It feels more like talking to a brick wall than communication.  Even though I have over 71,000 page views on this blog, I'm convinced 99% of those are my two sets of parents.  

Kendra is even more my priority now than ever before and I want my time usage to reflect that.  The best way I can express how I feel is by this picture. 

Our lives were completely packed to overflowing and then everything stopped in a single day when Kendra was diagnosed with cancer.  Kendra was torn down physically to the bareness of sustaining life.  Nothing else mattered.  Not work, not church, not the house, not the twins, not even myself.  Since that day we've been reshaping what life is all about and how we want to spend ours.  We are starting from a simple, single, flickering flame.  We have nothing to prove and nothing to hide.  We have each other and two great kids and a God who loves us.  Everything else we add onto this may or may not be worth keeping as we run the race of life.  Each detail is evaluated on it's own.  Each person, each hobby, each purchase...  Either it's propelling us forward into our purpose or it's holding us back.  Our primary role is to forget the past (successes and failures) and move forward together as one.

There is a picture I held back from the Christmas season because i've been working through my thoughts on it for a while.  The only picture I had my heart set on is this one.  It shows four generations of wonder women in Kendra's legacy.  Layla, Kendra, Ouma, and GG represent legacy and family and blessings.  This causes me to smile every time I see it because there is life and love being handed down from one generation to the next.  I realize how unique and valuable it is to have all three generations pouring into Layla.  It's not enough for four generations to just be living on Earth at the same time.  Layla is blessed because she has a mom, a grandmother, and a great grandmother who actively pursue loving on her and calling her into the woman God created her to be.   

Another reason I could use for closing down the blog is that we are no longer just the 4 Webbs.  We are now the FIVE Webbs.  This is Max, our new spoiled-rotten cockapoo puppy.

We waited until the twins came of age to be pooper scoopers.  Neither Kendra nor I have any desire to pick up dog poop.  Now that Easton and Layla can fully understand the expectations of getting a dog and what that means, we started looking around.

Kendra found Max on Craigslist.  The original owner is a traveling nurse who is going on some missions around the world for months at a time.  Because of this, we picked up a 14 month old dog for pennies on the dollar.  Max is neutered, his tail is bobbed, shots are up to date, he's potty trained, kennel trained, command trained, and most importantly...  He loves to cuddle.  Kendra is taking Max through obedience school to become certified as a service dog.  She wants to take Max into cancer centers around town to bring the love and life they have to offer.

We take Max everywhere, including hiking.  Kendra is not yet able to make the hike to the top of the peaks with us, but she's working up to it through physical therapy.  Max, however, was born to climb.  He's a strong dog who is full of energy. He pulled them up and down every peak.

January 4th was a big day at our house because the twins conducted their annual measurement on our wall ruler.  As you can tell, they are growing at the same rate and right on target for a seven-year-old.
 

In this next picture you see David, who has been living with us for four months while he waits for a job in Utah where his family moved.  He recently got a job and will be moving out in a couple of weeks.  It's been very helpful and satisfying to have my best friend around.  I'll miss him and his family very much when he goes because we are having such great bro time and conversations.  Also, you see Kendra playing old-school Nintendo games on the laptop.  She got every game from every system and cheat codes to play with infinite lives.  She'll never be bored again!

This is the lamest way I could ever end an eight year project, but I'm all out of motivation.  My plans are to turn this whole blog into a big PDF file and give it to the twins at some point in the future when they will care.  It's a strange feeling to let something like this go that I've spent hours and days of my life maintaining.  However, it's liberating and hopeful all at the same time.

I started the 4Webbs blog to share the adventures we have Easton and Layla.  I wanted friends and family to know what's going on with us.  I wanted an outlet to express my thoughts, opinions, and beliefs, but somewhere in the past few weeks I realized this doesn't really matter.  There are much more eternal things to pursue and make use of my time.  I don't have time for superficial, fake relationships anymore.  Those who want to create or maintain an authentic, face to face relationship with the 4 Webbs are welcome to do that.  We will also pursue certain life-giving relationships where we can serve and grow.  Life is about what we are becoming, not living up to expectations of others.  I don't say that with a jaded heart, but out of revelation and excitement for a new day dawning for the 4 Webbs.  This is the end of the blog.  We're not turning the page. We're not going to the next chapter.  We're at the beginning of a whole new book and I can't wait to see what God has in store for us.

Be blessed!

Let It Snow

Happy New Year friends and family!

We welcomed in 2016 like party animals.  What I mean by that is, we stayed home, had a family dinner, normal bed time routine, and the two of us were fast asleep by 10:30.  At least, until the neighborhood fireworks went off at midnight.  There were no party hats, no celebratory gun fire, nor any recognition of 2015 coming to a close.  It wasn't intentional or a method of denial.  I'm a little surprised actually.

There are no two people I know of who are happier for 2015 to be over.  With all of the crazy journey with Kendra's fractured vertebrae, cancer, chemotherapy, and radiation that was one heck of a year to go through together as a family.  We also left our church of eight years including resignation from my role as executive pastor and walking away from the ministry Kendra and I built for the past two years.  Even with all of those challenges and changes we had some of the best moments of our lives and our marriage and our family.  We won't know if 2015 was the best of times or the worst of times until maybe a few years from now.

Before leaving Sacramento we took the opportunity to go play in the snow.  After fixing my the oil leak in the van we headed up to Boreal to ride their tubes down the slopes.  The interesting thing about Boreal is that Kendra and I went there for a day of snowboarding in 2002 before we were even married.  14 years ago this was us taking a selfie before the word "selfie" existed:

and last week we took a selfie to commemorate the moment.  I don't think our looks have changed much at all, but I'd be lying if I said I still feel 26 years old.

14 years later we had a very different experience because having kids in the snow leads to different activities.  Instead of snowboarding we made a snowman face because the snow was so dry that it wouldn't even pack into snowballs.  

However, it was very delicious to eat!  When we asked the twins what they were looking forward to the most they said, "eating snow!" We found some fresh powder off to the side of the runs and dug in.

The tubing ride was average at best, but worth the trip for the memories.  It took us about 35 minutes of waiting in line for each run because they were understaffed and over populated.  We were bundled up well and had a great time, but Easton made a declaration of his undying love for the Arizona sun and warmth.  Even through the multiple layers of water proof stuff, it was so cold for Easton that his soul got frost bite.

The twins were very patient with the mob of people who showed up at the slopes.  The sun was out.  the wind was still.  The temperatures were cold enough to keep the snow from turning to ice, but not so cold that we couldn't stand to be out there.  Layla felt right at home in the cold.  I wonder if her weekly ice skating lessons had anything to do with her comfort level of cold?

After the day in the snow we drove home to Sacramento through the overcrowded highways of Los Angeles.  We all agreed this was one of the best Christmas vacations ever, but we were equally happy to be home in our own beds.  This is by far the craziest year of my life and it's too difficult to even put into words the joy and sadness and pressures and rest and revelations and grief.  There have been many nights that I just sit with my hands on the keyboard without a single thing to write.  Not because nothing happened that day, but because so much happened it's hard to get it out of my heart and into words.

All bets are off in 2016.  We have taken every preconceived idea of what we want and expect and throw them in the trash.  It's a new year and we have very few plans.  We've seen first hand what happens to plans when storms of life take over.  We've learned to stop trying to tame the wind and instead we adjust our sail.  That sounds really noble until you're in the boat.  Then, making that choice over and over each day becomes the focus; the new normal or the new instinct that pushes us further towards our destiny.  I know things are going to change in 2016.  some things will be scary and some will be exhilarating.  Whatever comes, I'm confident in this one thing:  God is for us and it doesn't matter who is against us.

See you soon!

It's Silly Christmas Time!

Greetings friends and family,

It's vacation time for the 4 Webbs.  No work.  No homework.  No hospitals.  just time with family and doing holiday things.  Our family is expanding with marriages which means we get more christmas parties.  We went to Bree's family's event for an evening of games and fun.  I'll start off with a silly pic because these are much more interesting than the same old cheesy smiles we have in other family pics.

I tried to get a selfie of the whole family, but I didn't open my selfie stick gift yet so this one is as close as I get to a showing how much of a good time we had together.

Kendra's family (minus Casey and Barbie) was all together and looking festive.

We visited Oupa's gymnasium a few times for scooters, dodge ball, and basketball.  Indoor activities are highly valued during these cold, rainy days.  Kendra's grandma, GG, joined in for basketball and took some shots.  I don't know many 89 year old ballers out there, but my GG is one.  never too old to be active!  Her presence with us is very meaningful and I love every second the 4 Webbs get to be around her.

This girl...  She was in a back brace unable to walk without severe pain just two short months ago.  And now she's rolling around the gym floor on scooters and playing dodge ball.  She amazes me as her healing and recovery takes a small step forward every single day.  A little less pain, a little more mobility, a little longer hair.  It's hard not to notice the improvements even when I see her every day.

Easton and Layla are getting more independent every day, but just because they don't need me to help them as much anymore doesn't mean they don't want to be around me.  It just means we get to do more adventurous things as they mature.  We took a bike ride on one of the rare sunny days.  It was chilly, but nothing a coat and hat couldn't fix.  We rode through the neighborhood a few miles to find a park.  They took a moment to pose because I asked them to.  Otherwise they would never be still long enough for me to get their faces in the same picture.  They climb like monkeys and I really enjoy not worrying about them falling or getting hurt.  for the first few years of playground time I was constantly on edge to make sure they wouldn't hurt themselves.  Now I just sit back and watch them play.

Even when there is no playground close by they still climb on rocks and trees and everything else they can find.  The big change or the second semester of their second grade school year is that Layla is moving to Easton's class.  This will be the first time they are in the same classroom at school.  Layla's heart is too precious to me for her teacher to shoo her away like a fly, yell at the class, and be more interested in punishment than connection.  Layla has her own adjusting she needs to do, but I am really disappointed her teacher from this past semester is so unwilling to adjust.  Next semester will give new life to Layla's school experience and I'm excited for how that will help her be engaged.

Christmas day was all kinds of happy.  Several of us stayed in our pajamas the entire day.  We didn't leave the house and nobody was around other than family.

Logan and Bree had new pajamas to break in and GG was covered in blankets and coats most of the day.

The number of gifts the twins opened was a new record, for sure.  Their responses were appropriate and grateful.  I'm proud of them for maintaining a happy heart through the process of shredding gift wrapping paper.  Layla was excited about everything because of the surprise factor.

Easton was slightly more excited about the Star Wars, Lego, and Titanic related gifts.  I'm not surprised at all!

Uncle Casey bought them each a Nintendo 3DS and some games.  You can see by their faces how surprised they were.  They are already getting good at the controls and I would guess our trip home will be significantly quieter because of them.

Kendra unwrapped some great gifts as well including a cat-themed onesie with a hood and tail.  Now she is a soft kitty for real!

She also has some new clothes like scarfs and wraps and funky outerwear for the next few cool months in Phoenix.

Easton's Titanic gifts are a real hit, including this enclosed titanic model and iceberg that he sloshes around to crash the iceberg into the ship over and over again.  pure joy on this boy's face.

I got an appropriate shirt that I'll get some wear-time from soon.  Layla will be back at her figure skating lessons soon.  I'll wear this proudly. :)

Easton and Layla made out like looters in St. Louis.  Their gratitude and contentment with what they received made the occasion even more joyous.  We have several weeks worth of entertainment and interest when we get home.

Ouma and Oupa's stack of gifts to open was not nearly as bountiful as the twins, but there were a few items outside of socks and kitchen utensils.  He has a heart rate monitor now to track his sleep and activity.  Seems like an essential piece of gear for a PE coach.  Cooking so many meals is greatly appreciated, but even more than that I enjoy the atmosphere of openness and love they provide.  

and the willingness to be interactive with my Layla.  The adults made this a Christmas she'll never forget.  Being the only two grand kids has it's privileges.

The serious version of our Christmas day was just plain boring.  I'm glad we have this one to show the real heart of the environment when we spent the day lounging in our pajamas.

There is an outdoor temporary ice skating rink in downtown Folsom.  We waited for the best sunny day where we could get there early to beat the crowds.  Easton stepped back on the ice for the first time in a few months.  He did really well maneuvering around the first-time skaters and Layla was the star of the ice as always.

GG sat on the bench close to the rink where she was able to watch them skate around, lap after lap.  One of the few requests she made for our time here was to watch her great grand daughter Layla dance on the ice for her.

After Easton wore out his boots on the ice I took the opportunity to skate a few laps with my princess warrior.  This was my first time on hockey skates.  It was easier than I thought, but I still had a few hand wave moments where I almost fell.

Our trip is amazing on so many levels, but when I get down to the real bare bones of what makes it incredible, it is because Kendra is with us and healthy.  Her interactions with the twins and cousins and friends and everyone else we spend time with is a priceless miracle.

The couple of vacation days I took were well used, but now it is time for us to engage for 2016 planning and get our ministry momentum moving forward once again.  This is what I've been waiting for since October and I can't wait to dig in!  Kingdom things are in store for us this January.

See you soon!

The NorCal Experience

Greetings friends and family,

The 4 Webbs are in full Christmas mode with stockings hung by the chimney and scarfs hung on our necks.  I'm still working from my local office, but everyone else is kicking back relaxing.  Ouma and Oupa are spending priceless time with the twins, who are just barely small enough to kind of fit on their laps.  This may be the last year for curling up in anyone's lap because they are growing so tall.  Whatever happens for the next few days, this will be my favorite picture of the trip.

One of the many great characteristics of Kendra is her friendliness.  At church she met a new couple and swapped phone numbers.  When I arrived from Phoenix she said, "I met some new friends and we're going out with them."  OK...  Let's do it!  We met them out for coffee and they turned out to be very cool.  Brett and Heather have only been in Sacramento for five weeks and they have a baby so getting out for some adult conversation was just as valuable for them as it was for us.  Date night!

We've been looking forward to going to the Jesus Culture church together for months.  It was everything I hoped for and more.  The kid church people said they were going on stage to perform two Christmas songs.  They invited the twins to join them and we were excited for them to be a part of it.  They both did great on stage.  Even without prior notice or instructions they followed the motions well and sang along with all of their hearts.

I stopped outside to get a picture of Kendra and I because it was a meaningful moment.  Last summer I attended here without Kendra.  There was still so much unknown back then that I didn't know if she would be healthy or physically able to travel to Sacramento.  Here she is, by my side, as a testimony of God's goodness and healing power.

We went to Oupa's gym and used the scooters for some afternoon activity because it was so cold and rainy outside.  Easton happily pushed Kendra around the gym as we did our best to avoid crashing into walls.

Kendra is not only healed enough to travel, she is participating in the physical activities like a champ!  Ouma is also in on the action this year.  The four of them raced across the floor in a spirited competition.  I am extremely grateful for the chance to watch scenes like this.  Seeing the picture never gets old for me because it's amazing how far Kendra has come and how valuable these moments are for all of us.  

I don't know many grandmothers who get on the gym floor to join in the scooter races.  She's the coolest and Easton agrees!

Another adventure we took was watching uncle Casey and Aunt Barbie play in the disc golf tournament.  Casey is no longer working there as of yesterday so it was kind of the end of an era for him since he's been around that scene so many years.  His new job won't allow for as much time on the disc golf course, but i'm sure he'll find time to play once in a while.

We followed Barbie for a hole also and cheered her on as quietly as possible for two seven-year-olds in the woods.  She won the tournament and we were privileged to see greatness in the making.

I've had all the work I can stand and it's time for some real vacation time starting now.  The rest of our days will be filled with visiting family around town and just spending time together.  The rain and cold weather is a welcomed change from our last many months in Phoenix.  Breaking out the Ugg boots and gloves is something to look forward to since we'll be back home in the sun very shortly.


See you soon!

Week Without Kendra

Greetings friends and family,

Kendra is in Sacramento and we've been surviving.  The house didn't burn down although it looks more like a hurricane survival than the "after" picture of a home makeover even with David around helping in so many ways.  The twins and I miss Kendra terribly and can't wait to see her tomorrow!  One of the nights we made pizza.  Not from scratch, of course, but still a fun exercise in building our own creations.  They turned out well because I used regular flour this time instead of coconut flour like last time (i don't recommend coconut flour).

This was the only view I had for the past 5 days of my woman.  I'm thankful for facetime.  It's not even close to holding her in my arms, but it's better than just hearing her voice.  and because I took some screen shot pictures I was able to relive the view during my work day.  Her hair is growing back in nicely, but recently passed the peach-fuzz phase.  It's still fun to pet her head, but doesn't have the same soft feel of the newly grown hairs.

On Sunday we went to church at Cornerstone.  I wanted the twins to see what a huge kids program looks like.  They had a class full of 2nd graders instead of a small class of all ages from 5-12.  They had several full-costume Star Wars characters including Darth Vader handing out candy.  When they did the Christmas reenactment play, the three wise men included Yoda and Obiwan.  Needless to say, the twins have a new "favorite church".

It's been chillier than normal lately here in the desert, but we've had some good days of t-shirt weather to go bike riding.  I shoot for one hour per day of physical play, but that's not always realistic.  They are getting great at riding their bikes, but still fall occasionally.  it's a learning experience that highlights my parenting philosophy:  fail young and simply or fail old and massively.  I don't want to keep them from ever scraping their knees.  That's not my role.  I want them to try and fail and learn.  That's much cheaper to buy a new pair of leggings or jeans and a band-aid than the cost associated with failing once they get out in the real world when I'm not there to keep them from falling in adult situations.  I have a keen awareness that I won't be with them every moment of their lives outside of school.  I'm already focused on what life will be like in a few years when they are more independent on their bikes and can ride to friend's houses.  They push the button to cross the street.  they look both ways before crossing.  they lead us across the street.  Everything they can do for themselves, I don't.

There are exceptions though...  When Layla asks me politely to get her a drink of water I gladly agree and serve her.  When Easton asks for my help to build his Legos with him I gladly agree because I know he just wants me to be involved and interested in him.  He built his 1,156 piece set in a day and a half.  with school and sleep and every obstacle I could throw at him including extra math homework.  This kid devoured homework at a crazy pace knowing the reward is getting to build more and then play with the dinosaur scene.

He takes the indominus rex everywhere we go now, even to school.  Layla's new hat collection is courtesy of aunt Stephanie.  every time i turn around Layla has a new hat.  this is the perfect time of year to sparkle and stay warm though.

We had our last meal with David as a Christmas dinner, kind of...  sushi after Layla's figure skating lessons.  She was decked out and warm on the ice.

We are ready to get on the road and have a California Christmas.  I woke up this morning to find Layla cuddling up with Easton as he played the PS3 Lego game.  Sleeping in a few extra minutes was good for my travel-readiness and now I'm excited to see my Kendra and Ouma and Oupa.  Time to hit the road!

See  you soon.