Happy and Sad

Greetings friends and family,

My blog is called the 4Webbs, but this is the longest span of time since the twins were born that we are not all together.  It'll be 14 days apart when our trip is done.  That is simply too long to be without my lover.  The kids and I are feeling the effects in different ways, but we are all working through missing Kendra and can't wait to be reunited with her back at the casa de Webb soon.

One of the greatest finds recently is the Disney Magic Timer App by Oral-B.  At home we have the Sonicare toothbrushes that vibrate for 2 minutes and the kids know when to stop brushing when the toothbrush stops vibrating. However, on vacation we are limited to normal toothbrushes.  I bought them oral-b brushes and toothpaste.  The app scans their toothbrush or the toothpaste.  Then it loads a 2:00 timer where the on-screen toothbrush reveals a picture.  Star wars, Frozen, and super heros appear before their eyes.  They ask, "is it time to brush my teeth?" and that's a first...  They never give us any static about brushing, but this is the first time ever that they actively ask to do it.

Layla and Easton were given the opportunity to attend a week-long camp at a local church.  It was amazing.  The twins enjoyed every minute they spent there and already talked about how excited they are for next summer.  As Layla was getting ready for the big finale night of the camp I walked into the bathroom to find her applying that stuff women put on their eye lashes...  Let me Google that.  Ah, it's called "mascara".

In this humorous moment above I said, "When did you start wearing makeup?  Your eyelashes are already a foot long and you are beautiful with or without makeup!"  She said, "I know I am...  I just want to do this for our performance tonight at the camp finale."  Fair enough...  I walked away scratching my head wondering "what happened to the little baby girl I played peek-a-boo with?"

Ouma Oupa and I went to the two-hour long finale which included viewing Layla's art gallery.  She ended up in the art track of the camp so her days were spent learning how to draw and paint.  She picked a ballerina to draw.  No surprise there...

Easton was in the music track.  He learned how to play drums and the cajón.  It's a wooden box with a hole in it.  He played on stage for the packed room of kids and relatives.  I am proud of him for being brave enough to get on stage and play for the crowd.  Kendra experienced the finale through Facetime.  It wasn't ideal, but she was able to see Layla show off her art work and watch Easton perform on stage. We missed her and I know she wanted to be here so badly for these moments, but we are making due with what we have.  Easton has a new instrument and Layla has a portfolio of art work.

Oupa has keys to school gym since he is the PE teacher.  The benefit for Easton and Layla is that they were privileged to test out the newly finished gym floor.  The idea was to get the twins some exercise on the scooters, but Oupa ended up pushing them around the floor as they giggled.

Well, how about that.  What a difference five years makes!  This next picture was taken five years ago.  It's fun to see what has and hasn't changed.  Five years from now I won't be able to retake this because Oupa will be retired!

We had our second annual Oakland A's outing this past week.  I expect this tradition will continue as long as we have summer time in Sacramento.  The twins each at a monster 18 inch corn dog.  Easton like mustard, Layla likes ketchup...  This is what having twins is like.  Different but the same.

Easton and Layla chased down the Dennis Eckersley Hall of Fame racing mascot as they were wondering around the stadium.  The A's won 14-1 with several homers and a grand slam!

Oupa picked a great day to be here.  These are the fun memories we get to make.  I know it's a sacrifice of time and challenges in travel, but the twins will remember these for the rest of their lives.

The drive there and home was fairly quiet and manageable thanks to Star Wars movies and smooth driving conditions.  We saw the Golden Gate Bridge off in the distance, but other than that there weren't too many things more interesting than the Empire Strikes Back.

There is this tension inside me for the past two weeks.  I'm happy we came to visit Ouma and Oupa.  I'm sad Kendra isn't here with us.  I'm happy to see my coworkers and boss face-to-face, but sad for the kids to spend all day without her around.  I'm happy we escaped the heat for a so many days, but I can't wait to get back to the valley of the sun because Kendra is there waiting.  The range of emotions is higher and lower than any other trip we've taken for the past 13 years, but my strength comes from knowing emotions don't control me or dictate how well our trip goes.  Enjoying every moment and looking forward to being one with my one and only again in a few days.

See you soon!

Sacramento Family Time

Greetings friends and family,

These past two weeks are difficult.  I am without my love.  She is resting peacefully at home while the twins and I take over Ouma and Oupa's house.  I'm working every day so evenings and weekends are gleefully full of daddy time.  I took Layla for an afternoon of ice skating so she could have some public skate fun while keeping her skills sharp.  I skated with her as long as she would let me.  Then she met some new friends and off she went.

As a surprise bonus, Uncle Casey and soon-to-be Aunt Barbie showed up to skate with her.  That was a happy moment for Layla to feel the love from their interest in being a part of her world (queue the Little Mermaid music).

One of the cutest moments of our weekend was when she skated backwards pulling Uncle Casey along to show him how to skate. Seeing this little package of dynamite pulling along tall Casey like it was no big deal shows how strong she is on the ice.

and the bonus of the bonus was that GG came to watch too.  GG sat on the cold seats next to the ice watching and cheering as Layla showed off everything she had in her arsenal of moves.  I am happy for Layla to have these memorable moments with her great grandma there are many kids who don't have any great grandparents in their lives.  I joked with GG by asking if she was interested in lacing up some ice skates to go onto the ice.

Barbie worked at a roller skating rink some time ago so when she laced up a pair of ice skates, she was a natural.  She was so fast that after Casey and I wore out our legs, she kept on skating like a speed skater lapping everyone.  I'm thinking hockey could have been a really good sport for Barbie.  We had to track them down on the ice to get the two ice queens to stop for a quick pose.  

Speaking of ice queens, this rink was awesome!  they had great lighting and a DJ with interactive games on the ice for everyone.  This was the most enjoyable public skate I've ever seen.  Layla's smile is my proof.

Another cool thing they had was a Disney Frozen-themed covering with LED lighting inside.  Layla skated through it over and over with her tricks.

Layla's day included ice skating, watching the movie "inside out" and dinner afterwards.  The move and dinner was only for her and I to spend time together.  The movie was OK, but I had to do some damage control afterwards.  Inside Out portrayed anger as one of the five useful emotions.  I completely disagree that anger is a useful emotion.  Righteous anger is in the Bible, but that applies to about 1 out of a million situations where anger is really the correct response.  There is another important attribute called "self control", which is much more valuable in protecting and maintaining relationships than anger.  Anyway, other than a little detox from the movie, Layla and I had an outstanding day together.  The difference in how she interacted with me was like night and day.  I knew she just needed a little one on one time to make things OK.

Easton had his day on Sunday.  I came up with the idea of renting a kayak on the lake.  We stood in line at the aquatic center making silly faces.

We took a two-person kayak onto the water and had a blast.  He wasn't too sure about the fun level of such an outing, but as soon as he was comfortable knowing we weren't going to drown, He loved every minute of it.  We paddled around into coves where he stood on the end of the bow and picked wild blackberries from the bushes hanging over the water.  Perfect temperature, slight breeze, plenty of sun and lots of sun screen to protect our skin.

Easton didn't want to spend much time out around town.  He wanted a specific Lego man from a store and then playtime at home.  I said, "OK!  if that's how you want to spend our time together, then let's do it!"  At one point he gave me a big hug and said, "I love you, Dad".  It was completely out of blue and made my whole day worthwhile.

The other thing we've been up to is bike riding.  every evening it cools down enough to get on the bikes and ride.  Ouma and Oupa live in a house very close to the main roads and businesses in Folsom.  We took full advantage of the proximity.  I had to buy them helmets because I forgot to bring theirs from Arizona and it's the law here in Cali.

One evening we stopped by the greek restaurant for a snack.  We had some lamb kabob to go along with pita and hummus dip.  The outdoor patio is covered with grape vines and makes for a wonderful ambiance... as if the twins even cared about that.  They noticed a birthday party next to us brought several bottles of bubbles.  Layla smiled and batted her eyelashes at the party table and they came over to give the twins their own bottle of bubbles without us even having to ask.

There are still kind, generous people in the world.  After they left, we grabbed four bottles from the table and took them home to continue the bubble blowing fun at a later date.

Easton and Layla are getting some quality GG time in this trip.  I'm very happy that she comes over often to hang out with us and do mundane things like watching baseball and cuddling.  These moments are completely un-exciting from an adventure point of view, but I stopped to take a picture because these are the special moments they'll remember for the rest of their lives.  Just doing life together is such a blessing.

Another weekend is already here because my work-week flew by.

See you soon!

California without Kendra

Greetings friends and family,

The 4 Webbs' July 4th celebration this year was without a doubt the most boring in my entire life, but sometimes it be that way.  I have 40 years worth of memories that include lighting something on fire or watching someone else light stuff on fire every July 4th.  It's too hot in Phoenix to sit in 100 degree heat to see a live display.  The dry conditions, local laws, and recommendation of our fire department friend turned us off to lighting our own in the driveway.  Ouma and Oupa and Kendra and I were too apathetic and tired to even turn the TV on to see some other display.  In some ways I think this reflects a shift in our mindset about what is important too.  We had a rare early bedtime and some fun at church the next day. Kendra got in on a picture with our pastor as we had fun with a social media blitz of patriotism.

During Ouma and Oupa's month-long stay I took surprisingly few pictures because I spent much of the time working, which is a change from the chaotic previous two months.  The twins made their own memories with them and that's a big benefit.  Memories of grandparents don't always have to be thrilling or adventurous to be meaningful. I have a few memories of my grandpas on both sides where we were just doing mundane things together.  The most important part is that I actually have memories of them.  None of mine are glamorous, but I appreciate the time I was able to spend with them.  I watched the Walton's, Gunsmoke, and cartoons on a 13 inch TV with my grandpas.  Easton and Layla watched the invasion of Normandy in 3D on a three-story screen at the IMAX with Oupa.  What a drastic difference in format of the TV watching experience!  Even so, the main point is still the main point:  time with grandpa.

Kendra kicked me out of the house for a while.  Well, maybe it's not exactly like that...  I offered to take the twins to California so she can rest and take care of herself.  all of this depended on two things:  1.  Kendra's back felt well enough to manage without me  2. Ouma and Oupa were willing to spend more time with us after helping and caring for the twins for over a month.  I am working from my office in Sacramento so there is zero vacation time or work-related excuse for me not to be here.

I got cold feet at the last minute and wanted to stay in Phoenix, but Kendra asked me to go for a few reasons.  She gets several days in a row without managing the twins alone because now that Ouma and Oupa went home she would be full-time caring for the twins while i'm at work.  That's a lot of additional stress considering she has so many doctor's appointments throughout the week. Also, the twins are used to being in Sacramento every summer and taking this trip provides another layer of stability and consistency in their lives.

As an added bonus, Kendra's brother, Logan, and his wife, Bree rode with us so they could spend time with her sister who is also in Sacramento.  The trip went exactly as planned without any incidents.  We stopped in LA for some dinner and I took this picture of mountains behind us.  What you can't see is the 30 degree drop in temperature.

I'm grateful for our big van to transport us across the country.  It's getting close to the 100,000 mile mark, but we've never had a major problem with it.  Plenty of room for everyone and our travel gear! Easton and Layla watched the Rocketman movie and giggled their way through the miles of boring desert.

Now I'm stuck with Facetime as my only means of seeing Kendra.  It feels really odd to be so completely physically disconnected from Kendra after spending the last three months as her primary care giver.  I was deeply involved in everything from getting her close on to the more unsavory parts of chemotherapy side-effects.  and now, I'm just a two dimensional image with voice and motion.  At least I have this!

Here is Sacramento we are welcoming the latest member of our family, Barbie.  She is Kendra's brother's fiance and we all love her dearly.  Next year we'll make it official with the wedding ceremony, but Ouma and Oupa already consider her part of the family forever.

I get all kinds of advice from people about how to navigate this time with Kendra's cancer treatment and healing vertebrae phase.  One of the most consistent is to take time for "me time".  It's a valid piece of advice and I take it seriously.  I lift weights in the gym about 4-5 times a week.  I'm not a big muscle-head, but I keep showing up and taking care of my body.  Not bad for 40 years old.

Dinner on the outdoor patio of a restaurant is not an option in Phoenix this time of year, but here in NorCal it is!  The trees and pond and foliage are a welcomed change of scenery.

The sun still shines brightly on us, but is not hot enough to back cookies on the sidewalk.  The twins are doing so well considering Kendra's limitations and absence while we are here.

I'm wearing my Godfidence shirt regularly in my rotation of clothes.  It's a point of connection with Kendra because she wears hers too.  I let Easton take this picture of me for no apparent reason at all.  The twins are still getting the hang of photography and so am I.

We only have a few days left here in Sacramento.  Not sure when we will get to see Oupa again this year though.  It'll be a while though because of the school calendar for him and the twins. This is what summers are made for and we are happy Oupa gets the time off.  Most kids with a grandpa who works don't get weeks of time together.  I am very appreciative for the big block of weeks we get with him.  Even though Ouma is retired, the number of weeks she's spent with Kendra and our family is beyond self-less.  She's the MVP with regards to the success of the 4 Webbs over the past few months.

See you soon!

Every Opportunity

Greetings friends and family,

The 4 Webbs said goodbye to Ouma and Oupa after their month-long stay with us in the casa de Webb.  Giving up summer vacation from school to sweat it out with us in Phoenix is a real sacrifice!  I greatly appreciate their involvement to keep our household running smooth while I do this thing called a "job" and Kendra runs around town visiting doctor's offices.

The flood of kindness in words and serving and gifts has been amazing.  Kendra received a healthy basket of nutritious goodies with all the right GMO-free, glutten-free, everything-free labels.  It seems like every day she gets a card or phone call or gift in the mail that brightens her day.

I've been getting a steady diet of daddy time with Uno and Dos, which is perfectly fine with me.  I've been soaking up every moment with them.  I had Bahama Bucks twice in one day.  Once with Layla while Easton was in karate day camp.  Layla's sparkle is shining brighter and brighter the more time we spend together.  It's very noticeable.  The way she hugs me, the words she says to me, and the closeness of where she stands when we're together are all indicators of how close our hearts are.

One of the young guys from church connected with us a few months ago and then went off to the military.  during his time of transition between bases he has a few weeks here in town.  He made a point to contact us and ask to get together.  Kendra and I were happy to spend an evening just hanging out together.  We weren't counseling or giving advice or providing great wisdom.  We were just doing life together and building a bridge with friendship.  People don't often seek my opinion, but when I offer my vulnerability as a friend, I find people seek friendship.

And finally... some "us" time.  We had an evening free to do whatever we wanted.  The kids were taken care of by Ouma and Oupa.  Kendra felt healthy enough to get out of the house.  I had my work in order enough to take the time.  so what did we do?  We went to a church for a night of worship.  We sang and danced together.  OK, Kendra danced and I bobbed up and down like a white guy. We sat and listened while holding hands to a life-giving message of how God listens and hears us.  Both of us completely enjoyed the night together and there's nothing either of us would rather have done than this.

Kendra is getting more and more comfortable being bald.  She'd rather go out like this than with a hot wig on in the 110 degree heat.  I don't blame her!  Being seen in public is one level of confidence, but Kendra goes up front on Sunday morning to pray with people.  What kind of woman has such incredible confidence that she can agree in prayer with people for God to move in their life even with a broken back and having cancerous tumors removed from her body?  The kind of woman Kendra is.  She knows who she is and she knows who God is.  She knows how to rest and how to trust in God.  I had a little moment there in church watching her pray with others where I was overwhelmingly proud of her.  Not for her denial or faking, but for her faith and believing the truth.

I won free tickets to the Diamondbacks game again and took the twins along with my friend and his kids for a Sunday afternoon day out at the ball park.  Easton tried on her sunglasses and felt like a fighter pilot with the over-sized sunglasses.

Layla said she was a movie star.  She is the coolest little girl ever, but i'm doing my best to keep her on the balance point of being secure in who she is, but not a diva.

There was a day when the temperature dropped to 90 something in the afternoon.  It was a rare opportunity to ride our bikes in the summer.  We rode to the nearby Chinese restaurant for dinner so that we wouldn't make a mess in Mommy's kitchen.  My goal is for them to have at least one hour each day of active play time.  It's not easy to keep it interesting all summer long in Phoenix because there are only so many hours we can play Marco Polo in the pool.

Easton's hair is getting long enough to be a proper mo-hawk, but we'll have to mow it down before school starts.  He's doesn't like having his picture taken very much, but will tolerate it if I ask him for one.  Layla, on the other hand, will pose and flash her smiley face anywhere anytime there is a camera.  I love the variety in their personalities.  They keep life interesting for us!

I bought a Groupon for rock climbing several months ago and it was close to expiring.  I took the twins to do some climbing in an air conditioned environment, which is key for summer time fun in Phoenix.  There is a slanted wall that goes up three stories.  The girl behind us in the picture is climbing up towards us.  Easton and Layla have very little fear and it shows in their willingness to try new things like this.

I'll need to work on their "show your muscles" technique, but for now this is sufficient to get an idea for the kind of strong kids I'm growing.  They both had their own accomplishments in the rock gym to be proud of.  sometimes it's those little milestones or feelings of completion that add another layer on the foundation of their lives.

I titled this post "Every Opportunity" because that is how I see each interaction with the twins.  If I were absent from their lives for the past seven years and then tried to insert myself now to fill the gaps where Kendra can't, then this would be very difficult.  it's not like that.  I've been a part of their world so much in playing jump rope and Legos and a hundred other aspects of their lives.  it's not a stretch for me to turn the dial up just a bit to make sure they are given the chance to experience a quality year of growing in mind, soul, and body.  I see the opportunity in 2015 even through the pain and difficulties.  This is a year I will never forget.

See you soon!

Moments Mean More

Greetings friends and family,

Our household is starting to run like a fine-tuned engine.  Just in time for Ouma and Oupa to leave in a couple of days.  With my work schedule, Ouma and Oupa running errands, the twins' activities, and Kendra's doctor visit schedule, our cars have been heavily utilized.  Every day is like an episode of Abbot and Costello's "who's on first" skit.  Figuring out the daily jigsaw puzzle of who is going where and when has been entertaining.  With the exception of Kendra's current condition, this has been one of the most enjoyable summers we've had in a while.  Mostly for the simplicity of staying in town in our own house in our own bed.

Having Ouma and Oupa around has added such a great dynamic for the twins too.  Ouma is teaching Layla how to sew!  and as a bonus, all of my pants  that piled up in my closet due to missing buttons all have buttons on them again.

The flood of cards and gifts and money is overwhelming.  it seems that every other day Kendra gets a package or a card or a gift.  So many people have blessed us in creative and valuable ways.  One of my friends sent a package with a couple of toys for Easton and Layla.  They have been watching Kendra get all this fun stuff delivered via mail.  Their happy hearts were very grateful for the package and kindness.  Nobody can go wrong with Legos and princesses!

We went out to dinner with a huge group of friends one night.  Kendra was in the middle of the conversation and having a blast doing something normal like hanging out with a group of friends.  I paused for a moment when I noticed how magnetic her personality is.  She was bringing people into the conversation and asking thoughtful questions and adding her own sense of humor at just the right moments.  I sat and watched for a while just taking it all in.  These simple moments bring such joy to my heart now.  I love to see this.

Kendra has a limited number of hours per day she can be active.  By active I mean not laying in bed resting.  Sometimes she meets with ladies from church where she encourages and prays with them.  She's had to dial way back on the ministry hours per week, but she is still very much functioning in the role of mentor and friend for so many people.

Another thing she does with her time is bake.  She doesn't like cooking, but baking is one of those odd things that looks like work, but is actually just pleasure for her.  She made a healthy desert for dinner one night.  Again these are some of those simple moments that I see in a whole new light since cancer showed up.

I shoot around 5,000 pictures per year.  I've been doing this for over 7 years now.  When i look back through them I've noticed patterns and trends.  here's one of them...  Because I had moments like this with Layla when she was two-years-old:

I get to have moments like this when she's seven-years-old.

we've had a special bond since the day she was born.  For me it's just considered "being a good, consistent father" but from what I can tell this isn't as common as I thought.  She is growing up in measurable ways every time I blink my eyes.  One moment she's small enough for me to cradle with one arm and then a few moments later she's a young lady.

Layla picked out this Disney princess dress a few weeks ago.  i told her she could have it when she memorized five Bible verses.  It took her all these weeks to believe the truth about herself that she CAN memorize scriptures.

She wore it out for the first time on one of our daddy dates.  After ice skating together I took her to our favorite Groupon-approved Italian restaurants.  We ate and talked about all kinds of deep conversational topics including why we pray for her future husband so much, what makes a whoopee cushion work, and which side of the plate each piece of silverware belongs.

Before our dinner I joined her for a public skate session.  I was given free admission passes a while ago and kept them for just such an occasion.  she is in between classes so this opportunity worked out well for her to get in some practice time.  She spent part of the time teaching me some basics that were not so basic for this old guy.  I kept up with her as best I could and made her proud in front of her new-found ice skating friends.  This is my favorite picture of the year so far.  I have a lot to learn in the parenting world, but to me this is what it means to be a good dad for a daughter.  I enjoy doing things she loves with her.  It's one thing to show up and sit on the sidelines and watch her skate.  it's another to get on the ice and give her my full attention and efforts to be in the moment with her.

Besides, it was 112 degrees outside.  Bundling up in a coat and scarf felt absolutely amazing, but that was just icing on the cake for being with my sweet girl.

She completed Basic 8.  That means she's done with all of the basic classes and is moving into "Free skate".  What does that mean?  I have no idea, but this dad is about to get my Google on to figure it out.  What I know so far is that she can do some really cool skating tricks with grace and technique like I never knew a seven-year-old could do.

You may be wondering where Easton is in this post.  Stay tuned for the next one and i'll focus on my big boy next...

See you soon!