Patch Work of Life

Greetings friends and family,

Have no fear, Ouma is here! She agreed to spend a month to be with us through the last few weeks of radiation and the first few weeks of Kendra's recovery.  Very few guys I know get excited about the idea of their mother-in-law living with them, but I sure do.  I am always happy to have her around even though I'd rather have Oupa here as well.  He'll be here soon enough to share in some Thanksgiving festivities.

Easton and Layla worked hard on their revolutionary war project.  They chose which character to learn and perform as.  Kendra wasn't feeling well enough to go, but Ouma was!

Layla chose Betsy Ross.  She learned about her and memorized a short biography to describe why she was important to the revolutionary war.  Parents and Grand Parents would walk up to one of the kids as they sat in the chair and when they stepped on their name, the kid would come to life as they stood up and recited their lines.  Layla was right by the front door so her button was pushed frequently.  

Easton chose Benjamin Franklin.  His outfit was really awesome except for the high water pants.  That kid just grows and grows.  We still haven't learned to buy clothes too big so that they eventually fit.  Instead, we buy perfectly fitting clothes that last about three weeks and then become material for ridicule at school.  Easton did great with his character and speech.  I bet the two of them will be able to recite their lines for the rest of their lives.  Not sure how we'll repurpose the two costumes, but I'm sure they will come in handy again sometime.  Hopefully before they grow out of them...

One morning I quietly slipped out the door before school with the twins and we went to breakfast so the rest of the house could sleep in.  As we were driving Easton pointed out an amazing double rainbow on the horizon.  We pulled into the parking lot of the breakfast joint just as the rainbow reached full display of the great colors.  Sprinkles were coming down, but I convinced the twins to go stand in the rain long enough for me to take a panorama shot with my phone.  It isn't the greatest quality, but this is one of my favorite pics in a long time.  Those moments of just having breakfast together and talking about random thoughts are some of my favorite moments too.

Kendra and I are in this odd season of being without a church home.  We are not itching to find a new one, but at the same time we aren't going to wait months or years to find a new place to plug in.  we just don't know what God has in store for us and we are completely fine with that.  One of the concerns we had was that we didn't know how our friends would react.  who will remain friends and who will abandon us as soon as we walk out the back door of the church?  Well, we are pleasantly surprised by the number and quality of friends we are keeping in our lives.  Stephanie and Brett are one such family.  We stopped by to prepare for their neighborhood garage sale.  They allowed us some driveway space to sell our garbage to local treasure hunters.  She gladly added to our newly clean house by giving Easton the biggest Picachu I've ever seen and Layla a huge, cuddly giraffe.

Kendra and Stephanie have the same "let's make a deal" gift and we had a great time hanging out together and haggling over a quarter.

Kendra brought out our Thanksgiving hats to sell and tried them on just for fun because they are so silly.  With Kendra's hair being so short, but growing in quickly, this picture gives no indication of whether she has a massive mountain of hair or a bald head.  I like how much these two laugh when they are together.  It's good for her soul.

Easton is getting into football.  not because we watch it around our house or talk about it... ever...  He's into it because his school yard buddies are into it.  Ouma bought him some squishy Cardinals-themed footballs.  Easton and I are making the most of our awesome weather days by throwing and kicking the ball back and forth in the greenbelt.  I like that Easton still invites me into his world and wants to play together.  As long as he's willing, I am happy to be a part of it.

We went to Joe's Farm Grill after attending a potential church.  As we sat outside waiting for our food, Kendra noticed a table full of peculiar bird lovers.  We went over and introduced ourselves like sociable, kind people do.  One of them offered to let the twins hold her bird.  I don't even remember the bird's name, but it was a "rescue" bird, which means it was scraggly with big patches of feathers missing.  Sweet bird though!

Easton was a little more hesitant than Layla, but after seeing how she didn't die or get bit by the little bird he was willing to give it a shot.  The happy little bird bobbed his head up and down to the beat of his owner's beat-box noises. I intentionally go out of our way to interact with people who aren't like us because I want the twins to know that people, in general, are kind and friendly and interesting.

Like this character, David.  He's living with us for a few weeks or months while waiting for a job to open up in Utah his family is already moved.  He's my best friend and I'll be sad when he leaves in a few weeks.  While he's around, he is just part of the family as much as any other member.  He's really handy too.  We've needed to replace the exterior door to our garage since we first moved in.  rain leaks in and floods our garage because the door is disintegrating.  David found a handyman willing to do the job for $450.  David said we can do it better and cheaper.  It ended up costing us two full days, 6 trips to Lowe's, and over $500.  It was a very good learning experience though and I'm glad we did it.  I would never have attempted this without him here, but his confidence and skills came in very handy.

He's also picking up cooking meals and cleaning up as well.  Kendra calls him the "hus-friend".  He's taking care of things around the house like a husband, but he's just a great friend because the husband role is already covered around the Webb house.  Homemade tacos?  Their nothing like Aunt Mary's, but they are authentically good in their own delicious way.

The really big news from a few days ago is that Kendra's biopsy results came back from her vertebrae surgery.  The biopsy showed the cancer is gone in her vertebrae and it's completely healed!  This was a happy day for us.

We celebrated by resting and relaxing together.  I set this picture up in our back yard because it is symbolic of how we are managing through this treacherous journey.  I love her more every day and I'm thankful for each and every day we have together.  It's been eight months since that dreadful day we went into the hospital.  Feels like eight years some days.  Kendra's radiation will be done in two weeks.  She is excited for that glorious day of leaving the hospital after her last radiation treatment.

see you soon!

Newness of Life

Greetings friends and family

This is an older picture from a few weeks ago, but it's notable because I get to explain why many pictures of kids including eating.  If they are eating, then they are still enough to take a picture.  If not, then they are climbing trees and jumping off hay bales.  Two minutes prior to this picture and two minutes after this moment involved trees and hay bales, which would result in blurry, distant pictures.  This explains why we have many pictures of the twins eating.  I am pleasantly surprised by the relationships we are maintaining and growing since leaving our church.  This is "newness of life" because the relationships are more intentional and we are finding out quickly who really wants to be a part of the 4 Webbs and who doesn't. 

And the same can be said for Kendra and I, in general.  The two of us dropped off the kids at school and then went out for breakfast as a date.  We sat next to each other and had a value time of conversation and nothingness.  Nobody spilled anything.  Nobody was told to keep their "tummy to table".  Nobody complained about the inequality of egg portions.  It was wonderful.  Having twins is one of the best things to ever happen to me, but I get great joy from being alone with Kendra even for just a one-hour mundane breakfast.  This is "newness of life" because we are finding out our true identity now that we are not leaders or pastors at church.  It's not a sense of "who am i without the title and influence?" Instead, we have an overwhelming peace and excitement about the future.  As of now we are just husband and wife and parents and friends.

Every day I can see Kendra's hair growing back little by little.  Her eyelashes, eyebrows, and hair on her head is really coming back in well.  As I sat next to her for breakfast I noticed her eyelashes are long enough to be useful again.

We celebrate every little thing; even the hair in places like her armpits that she doesn't particularly care for.  I took a picture of this because it's the first time Kendra has needed a razor in the shower in eight months.  If I were to write a book about this segment of our journey I would use this picture and title it, "Life after Chemotherapy".  This is "newness of life" for obvious reasons...

The greatest moment of the week was realizing that the six-month temporary handicap pass expired at the end of the October, exactly when her back was well enough to not need it any longer.  Her desire to drive and be independent was a strong motivator early on when her vertebrae was just starting to heal as the tumor shrank from radiation.  I'm the happiest person to ever have a tag expire because that means Kendra's healing is really tangible.  The "newness of life" is not about getting back to the way things were, but about discovering who we are right now in this moment.  Kendra's surgery proved to be successful because she is mobile and pain free in her bone.

Layla's wiggly tooth is going through the stage of dangling and hanging on by a thread, or a nerve.  She's too scared to let us pull it out, but dislikes having eat tenderly to avoid pressing the tooth against her gums.  She thinks it's funny and we encourage her by laughing along as she grossly wiggles it around.  The "Newness of life" is that the tooth has to come out in order for the new one to come in.  It's the cycle of life in a one centimeter square.

Easton came to us late one evening complaining about his ear hurting.  He had an ear infection once before and his description matched that unhappy situation very well.  I loaded him up in the van and we headed to the emergency room because he would have not been able to sleep due to the pain.  While the two of us were waiting for the doctor I grabbed a glove and blew it up.  I tied it up and we played balloon toss with it to pass the time.  Easton said it looks like a blue chicken.  He has a creative imagination that brings mine back to life a little more all the time.  I hope he never loses his imagination.

Layla requested a daddy date so we planned out our time together.  She wanted to go mountain bike riding on the trail-a-bike.  Her bike is connected to mine in such a way that she just pedals and enjoys the scenery while I do all the turning and braking.  Even though she has her own mountain bike now, she is not yet confident enough to hit the dirt trails and zip through the twisty canyons like we do when I'm pulling her along.

We stopped to admire the view of the city below.  Layla's hug and comment about how much she loves me made my day.  We had moments of silence to listen and see and sense the  surroundings.  I hugged her back and enjoyed the long embrace.  A few years ago I set the expectation inside my own mind that I would never let go first when I hug people.  It's been surprising the number of times when the length of a hug is longer than I would expect, but will continue to let them be the ones to let go first.  This is important because it's the same in life.  The older they get, the more I will have to let them go, but only on their timing and maturity, not my desires. Sometimes the calm moments are the most memorable.  The "Newness of life" here is that Layla can ride her own mountain bike, but she is choosing to let me lead and to be close to me.  I'm going to take full advantage of this stage as long as it lasts because there will come a day, sadly, when Layla will prefer to hang out with her friends than to go ride with dad.  I'm excited that she is old enough to have the choice!

See you soon!

End of October

Greetings friends and family,

Not even sure where to start with an attempt to wrap up one of the craziest months in recent years.  I've been sitting at my computer staring at the screen for more minutes than i care to admit and I still can't sort through things in my mind enough to write them out coherently.  so i'll not even try.  Let's just go in order of the pictures.

Fall lasts about 12 days here in Arizona.  we go from blazes hot to jacket weather in a short amount of time.  The old saying, "make hay while the sun is shining" describes our current pace of outdoor activity.  Craigslist is such a great way to keep up with kids growing.  Easton and Layla both outgrew their bikes with 16 inch wheels last season.  They look like circus bears on tiny bikes.  I went to craigslist and found a great deal on Easton's bike this past week and i'll break even on the cost when i sell his old bikes.  Now he can keep up with Layla and I.  We are taking short trips to the local market and stores and parks so that the twins will get used to shifting and braking with levers.  Next week we'll be out on the mountain for a test run!

On Halloween we started a new tradition.  The 4 Webbs all wore our onesie pajamas to Chick-fil-a for breakfast.  I was the one taking the picture, but we were all there proudly eating our delicious meal together.  Easton and Layla were slightly uncomfortable at first.  I don't know when the switch of self-consciousness or insecurity was turned on, but somewhere along the way they lost some boldness.  we're fixing that as we lead by example.  We walked confidently into the restaurant and talked to a few of the strangers close by smiling at us and the cashiers.  I enjoyed every moment of the conversations and joy we brought into people's lives by just being a little silly and creative in our approach to having fun and spreading the love.

Easton earned his third stripe in Tae Kwon Do and is ready to test for his yellow belt in two weeks.  I'm really proud of him for sticking to this and watching the heart of a black belt develop.  His level of discipline at home is improving and his assertiveness in responding with a loud "yes sir!" makes me smile.

On the day before Halloween, Layla's ice skating class had a party on the ice.  90 minutes of free ice time was more than enough to convince me to take Layla.  Plus they said Easton can go too.  He hasn't laced up his skates in months, but he had a great time skating around playing tag with all the boys.

His smile says it all.  After the night was over he mentioned how fun it was, but he isn't interested in doing this again with lessons.

Layla was in her element dancing around like a royal princess.  Her costume was awesome and warm enough for the cold ice.

She has her own crew of pals on the ice who skate around and do tricks.  It's pure entertainment for me to watch her in action out there having the time of her life.

For the second year in a row we were glad to have Logan and Bree with us on Halloween.  Bree dressed as a panda and Logan had the same costume as me this year...  none at all.  Bree helped Layla carve her pumpkin.  Layla was grossed out by the slimy seeds so auntie Bree gladly stepped in to save the day.

I let Easton and Layla pick out their designs.  Easton chose a creepy spider and Layla chose Tinkerbell.  The pumpkins were big, but still required some extra fine cutting of the design.  jack-o-lanterns don't last long in AZ because the dry climate destroys them quickly so we carved them up on the big day and then put them directly in the trash can after the candy bowl was all gone.

Bree and the kids had glow sticks because safety is important, even in a neighborhood like ours with very few cars driving the streets.

and the glow sticks can be used as Star Wars light sabers as long as no one breaks one open and gets the toxic ooze all over their costume...  luckily that didn't happen this year.

The other exciting part of our day was Ouma flying in for a month of loving on us and the twins.  We've been counting down the days!  She dressed in the batgirl costume and fit in very well with our superhero and princess.

We were also happy to have stephanie and Josh spend the evening with us.  it was a full house of love and excitement and good times.  All the costume people went trick-or-treating for candy while Logan and I passed it out from our driveway to the other kids. It's like a massive candy swap that ends up costing the parents way more than the kids ever recoup from the neighbors, but it was all worth it for the great evening together.

I'll be heading out tomorrow to buy a half-priced costume because I'm too cheap to pay full price for anything.  My Buzz Lightyear costume will come in handy next year too when Toy Story 4 comes out.  I'll be back in style once again!

See you soon.

Perseverance is the Word

Greetings friends and family,

There are many stories of perseverance woven in and out of the 4 Webb's adventures.  I'll focus on a few just to point out what I believe is a turning point for me personally and us individually and us as a family.

Firstly, Kendra's back brace has not been missed one second since the morning after her surgery.  I had her pick it up one last time to get a portrait of the thing she relied on and then despised for the past seven months.  We are both happy for it to be no longer needed, but like all changes, this one took some getting used to also.  When I hug her standing up, It startles me because I'm used to the hard plastic between us.  Now I get to hug her tight without anything between us or worry about causing her back pain when i hold her close.  She completed the back-healing journey with perseverance!

Ever since Easton received his Titanic model in the mail he's been working hard on it every spare second we have together.  He asked me every morning, including bright and early Saturday morning (thanks for the wake up) to complete just a little more each day.  After 7 days of tackling little bits at a time, we completed the greatest ship that ever sank.  There is so much more detail than I could show in the picture, but let's just say Easton got very good at using tweezers and steady hands to glue in tiny parts.  It was all worth it to finish strong together.

I heard a guy once describe a heartbreak during childhood.  His dad started to build a model car with him, but the dad lost interest half-way through and never had time to finish it with him.  That model car sat half-completed for many years and fed the lie he believed that he was not worth his father's time or interesting enough.  That belief caused serious issues for the man to work through later in life.  I understand everyone is responsible for their actions after the age of accountability, but there is so much of the programming of little minds and hearts that happen as a result of parenting.  That man's issues traced back to a dad who was too busy to show interest and help him learn what it means to do something with excellence all the way to the end.  My philosophy of parenting is based on what I've observed and experienced.  I make it a point to be a man of my word and to share quality time with Easton on whatever he is passionate about.  It just happens that he loves the Titanic.  I don't have to love it or agree with him or understand.  I just get to be dad and let him be Easton.  In letting him work on whatever he is passionate about, I don't have to continually ask him to finish things.  He can't wait to work on it and follow through to completion.  That's perseverance.

For my recent story I'll take you on a journey to my work.  Actually, it's after work and I'm walking through the main lobby on the way out to my car.  People are looking at me strangely.  some smile and some do a double take.  One guy gave me a "thumbs up".  I couldn't figure out why.  On my way to my car I looked down to see the Goonies lunch box swinging back and forth in my hand.  It him me that people were checking out my lunch box the whole time.  This is mine, not Easton's  Yes, i take it to my corporate job and eat my lunch from it as I sit at my desk and... persevere.  I would love to eat out more often, but the money tree in the back yard has been picked clean this year so we do what we can to adjust.  everyone makes their own choices of what to spend money on and determine what is important.  We aren't poor, just conscious of the resources we have and making sure not to go into debt no matter what happens.

My perseverance is just a story of keeping it together and taking this one day at a time.  1 - Wife, 2 - kids, 3 - job, 4 - Everything else.  This is order of priority that continually gets tested.  Every single day I make choices that either reflect the truth of who I am or go against my beliefs.

Layla is still ice skating twice per week and loving every second on the ice.  Her instructors and classmates all dressed up in costumes today as a Halloween treat.  Layla dressed as Anna from the Disney movie "Frozen" and her instructor came as Olaf from the same movie.  It was a match, for sure!  I got this great picture of the two of them, but more importantly, Layla advanced to the next level of her ice skating classes today!  She was super excited to share the news with me and I reacted like one of her seven-year-old girl friends on the playground to a Justin Bieber song.  I'm sure the other moms and kids thought I was a complete wacko, but I know it meant a lot to Layla for me to express how proud I was in a way that matched her level of excitement.  It was a splendid moment I will probably never forget and she is continuing to persevere and advance in her ice skating skills.

I've already mentioned her in previous posts about my resignation as executive pastor and all other roles at church, but for those who might come across this blog post that are not Facebook friends with me, here's the communication I posted related to the story and the "why?":

My resignation from church leadership roles and reasons for leaving this local body:  

It is with a bittersweet heart that I share this news of transition for Kendra and I. As you know, there is so much going on for our family lately and Kendra is my first ministry before anything else. After praying and listening to wise council, I stepped down as the Executive Pastor at church and my leadership positions. I deeply appreciate the incredibly pastoral, relational, and honoring way Pastor invested in me during this season of change.

We first discovered our church back in 2007 after searching for a church where we could connect locally. We immediately agreed this was our church home and began to find our place. One Wednesday night after service I approached Pastor and asked how I can serve. He noticed my wife was very pregnant with our twins and said, "talk to me in a year after you've had a chance to settle in with parenting." I respected his wisdom and after a year I approached him again with my desire to serve. Since then I've been given the opportunity to be an armor bearer, security team lead, teacher, preacher, conference speaker, mentor, small group leader, young adults leader, advisory board member, finance committee chair, Freedom Ministries director, and Executive Pastor. We dedicated ourselves to being "about our father's business" through sacrificially giving our time, talents, and treasures for the past eight years.

There are several values that drive our lives. Near the top of the list are connection and submission. We believe in relationship and we believe in authority. The vision of our church has profoundly shaped the vision in our hearts. Freedom Ministry as an overall approach to discipleship was introduced to us by our Pastor. We fully embraced the philosophy of freedom and allowed our lives to be transformed. Because of our openness to shift the way we think, God used us to shift the DNA of the church in a meaningful way. We taught the Foundations of Freedom class eight times and facilitated three conference events, which empowered over 250 people through discipleship and connecting them with God as the source of life.

In discovering who God made us to be, it became clear that what God grew in me and Kendra is a bit different than our church in some key areas. It’s not better. It’s just different. It’s not right and our church is wrong. It’s just different. But different is different and it’s been a valuable process exploring those differences in such a relational and honoring context. Healthy families release sons and daughters into adulthood with the affirmation that they need to become who God created them to be. Healthy parents raise children “in the way they should go.” I’ve deeply appreciated the way Pastor and the staff have related to us throughout with honesty, honor, and care.

Our church has a very clear and direct assignment from God. One of the reasons they are so fruitful is the willingness to steward the vision God birthed through Pastor. Our vision simply lies outside the scope of God’s assignment for our church, which limits how far we can journey together. My last day on staff was October 13th. There are still lots of questions that remain unanswered, but we are trusting God for continued guidance to step into whatever He has in store for us after an interval of rest and refocusing.

I can’t express enough how grateful I am for our Church. This was home for us. Though we are full of excitement for what the future holds, we are also grieving our departure. I understand how grief should be proportionate to the value of what has been lost. Though we are not “losing” our church or any of our relationships, we are nevertheless grieving the close of what has been a beautiful and rich chapter of our lives. I am thankful for the leaders and honored for the way they are releasing us into our new assignment wherever God leads.

Standing Up Tall

Greetings friends and family,

Kendra's back surgery to inject cement into her vertebrae is done and we are happy happy with the results.  She was understandably not looking forward to getting a needle full of cement poked into her bone but her courage and peace through all of this was nothing short of amazing.  I took the day off work to be with her through the process.  This was an extended Doctor date for us because we spent so much time together without the kids who were at school.

The surgery went as scheduled and Kendra was released from the hospital a few hours later.  She wore her back brace for the last time as she rode in the car home that day.  She says the incision part feels like someone kicked her in the back, but her bones feel much stronger and she's getting around fine without her brace.  I took this picture because it shows very well what she is like at rest.  She really is this happy and peaceful even without medication! Even with significant discomfort from the surgery.  even with the side-effects of radiation.  Even with the uncertainty.  She is joyful from the deepest part of who she is and it just splashes out on everyone around her, including me.

This was the first day in seven months where we sat together and cuddled on the couch without her back brace between us.  Made my day and I know it made hers.  Trina came by to take Kendra to her radiation appointment because she wasn't sure how she would feel the day after surgery.  I watched her walk out the front door for the first time without her brace and it was momentous.  Not because of what happened, but because it was the reality of turning a page in the book of Kendra's story.

This thing sits useless in our bedroom now and it's wonderful.  Kendra is no longer held back by the thing that helped her back heal.  She immediately felt the stability of her vertebrae when she stepped out of bed the morning after surgery.  It's given her a great amount of confidence and given me peace of mind.  I no longer have to be the enforcer when it comes to keeping her from bending lifting and twisting.  She is free to move about the cabin. and the world.

Two days after the surgery I decided to go camping for an overnight trip with the twins.  One hour from our door is a lake and campsite with water and electricity.  $20 plus snack food and gas is all it cost for us to have a memorable 24 hours together while Kendra rested in the quiet house.  It was well worth the sleepless night and added stress of herding seven-year-old twins around a lake and campfire.

We sat quietly on the edge of the rocks overlooking the lake and sunset.  I requested a sixty-second block of silence.  No moving, no speaking, just observing and relaxing.  It was fun to pick them up from school with the van already packed and surprise them with the trip.  They were shocked and excited about our camping adventure because it was so spontaneous.

I taught them how to build a fire.  We each built our own little fire in the rock ring and lit them together to produce a big inferno.  The highlight of the trip was lighting little sticks on fire and watching them curl up as they burn.

The second favorite part was the electric lift at the marina.  We stopped by for some fishing worms and rode the lift up the hill from the marina.  They thought it was like a disneyland ride even though it moved at a snails pace.

My favorite part of the trip was laying in the tent with one of them on their own blowup mattresses next to me.  We had so many laughs and creative fun times.  The extra stresses of loading the car, setting up camp, and cleaning up were all worth it for those memorable moments that money could never buy.

See you soon!

Just the 4 Webbs

Greetings friends and family,

This is a huge week in the Webb house.  There is newness and life happening in new ways.  The most obvious sign of newness is Kendra's hair.  As we waited together between doctor's appointments in the hospital patio I looked up at Kendra and saw the sunlight illuminating the new hairs sprouting from her head.  I've noticed the changes every single day since they starting showing up as fuzz.  Now it's really starting to come in dark and wispy.

We stood around one of the fish tanks in the hospital to pass the time.  The lionfish is Kendra's favorite.  She spends so much time around the hospital I'm surprised she doesn't have them all named by now.

Today marks the first church-less week for us in the past eight years.  We are not running from anything, but we are unsure what we are running towards.  On Saturday we met with our 20-person leadership team and said our good-byes along with blessings.  They are taking the ministry we developed and continuing forward.  We led 250 people during the eight classes we taught and built the team of leaders slowly over time.  It's a living, breathing organization of people who are excited about their own freedom journey.  It's so difficult to step away in the middle of what God is doing, but this is the real test of leadership.  What happens when leaders leave?  If it falls apart and can't function without us, then that doesn't prove our value.  It proves our lack of leadership skills to really call out people into their own place of leadership.  We are grieving the loss of our connection with what we were so intimately involved with.  At the same time we are grateful for the opportunity we were given to be a part of this.

This is the last picture of the 4 Webbs at our church.  It's been our home for eight years.  It's the only place the twins have ever known as church.

All of us are working through this realization in our own way.  It's not a sorrowful, hopeless sadness, but just dealing with the uncertainty of not knowing where God will lead us.  Also, the feeling of being disconnected from the local church body is foreign.  We are in the "season in between" and it's entirely OK.  I'm not worried about the future or frantically trying to figure everything out.  Every week and every day for the past few years was filled with work at my career and then church related activities on the nights and weekends.  I didn't realize how many hours per week I spent on church stuff until this past week without any of the responsibility.  Now we get to just be the 4 Webbs for a while.  Not leaders or teachers or directors or any role outside of the house.  We are down to just the bare bones of life and focusing on our priorities.  Easton and Layla went to church this past Sunday knowing it was our last time there.  The children's leader took time to have the kids pray a blessing over the twins.  The act of sending them off with gratitude warmed my heart so much.

Back at home, much of my free time is spent helping Easton with his Titanic model.  He has bulldog-like tenacity when his passion has something to focus on.  He begs me every morning to work on it.  We're almost done, thank God.  Layla is feeling a little left out, but she understands the give and take of being a sister and a daughter.  I will make it up to her in the next few days through special time with her and I.  At first I didn't know if Easton would be steady enough to glue the tiny pieces, but I let him prove his skills with the glue and then turned him loose to put it together.

This week includes a full list of challenges and potential successes.  Can't wait to see how things turn out for Kendra ad our family.

See you soon!

The Weight of MInistry

Greetings friends and family,

I've been suspiciously absent from social media and the blog for a while now because of the massive amount of change going on for the 4 Webbs.  The short version is that I've resigned as executive pastor at our church and we are ending our involvement with ministry for now.  It's been difficult for the past few months to be juggling so many balls and I came to the conclusion that some things have to change.

My first ministry is Kendra.  When I am successful as a husband, then I can be a father.  Easton and Layla are my second ministry.  When I am successful as a father, then I can help others.  I discovered there is only enough of me to be a husband and a father right now.  The ministry to others will have to wait for another season.

Resigning and leaving the church are two of the most difficult choices I've made in a long time.  It's painful.  It's sad.  It's lonely. It's relieving...  So many emotions filled the past 24 hours that I'm exhausted and I still don't have adequate words to describe.  Eight years of serving in various roles. Six years of teaching. Two years as executive pastor.  Two years as ministry leaders.  Hundreds of real relationships and friendships.  It all came to an end in one single meeting.  There are many reasons, but they all fit in the same bucket:  There is a gap between the senior pastor's vision and what I am willing to follow as a member and executive pastor.  He is not right.  He is not wrong.  I am not right.  I am not wrong.  It's just a difference of direction and timing.

I also learned there is a weight to ministry.  It increases little by little over time as influence increases.  I haven't felt over-burdened or burned out at all, but with all that weight being lifted off my shoulders in one moment, I can feel its absence.  I never felt like my responsibilities were too much to handle.  I was never pressured into doing anything either.  Every role and position was a new opportunity to impact people's lives in a greater way.  and now I am in the transition.  I've spent so much time and money and effort on building God's kingdom, but now all of that is done.  I don't regret a single hour or dollar or moment I gave towards ministry.  The only regret is that I didn't contribute more of my resources.  I could have used more of my temporary resources to impact people's eternity.  There is no better way to invest who I am than to pour into the lives of people who are seeking a connection with God.    

In the middle of our church transition, Kendra started her 40 days of radiation.  I'm not sure what radiation is like, but I imagine they strap a microwave oven to her mid-section and turn it on high for 60 seconds.  The goal is to kill the cancer cells and we are believing this will be effective.

And just to keep things interesting around our house, Kendra had her consultation about her back surgery and gave the green light for surgery on the 21st, six days from now.  The neurologist said if all goes well that Kendra will be able to throw her back brace away that very same day!    

Anyway, enough of the grown up stuff...  there is also a bunch happening in the world of twins.  Easton's Chewbacca pajamas are getting some serious wear even though it is still 100 degrees outside.  The bag he is holding is for his martial arts classes. I found it in Craigslist for a steal and decided to piece his equipment bag together one item at a time.  He was super excited to get it as a reward for earning his two stripes.

There were a couple of cooler days stuck in the middle of the near-record heat.  I showed them what "carpe diem" means by taking them and their scooters to the skate park.

Even though we went in the morning, it was still hot enough on the pavement that the twins sought out the shade and laid on cool concrete during a break time moment.

Easton is growing taller so quickly and maturing right before my eyes.  He has a kindness about him that I am very grateful for.

we always find minutes every day and hours every weekend for quality time together.  He went swimming with me for a while because Layla says 80 degrees in the pool is too cold.  No big deal...  We'll just use this opportunity for some boy time!

Easton's baby teeth are falling out at a rapid pace.  We went to Hobby Lobby for something and he decided to use his tooth money on a model...  of the Titanic.  His obsession knows no boundaries.  He is so fascinated with the Titanic that he was willing to part ways with his entire spend money container so that he could buy the model.  I thought it was a snap-together version, but when we pulled it out I realized it is glue-together version.  wow, these are small pieces!  It's going to take us a few weeks to tackle this detailed of a model, but he is patient.

The weather is almost cool enough to hit the hiking trails again.  I convinced them to wait for sunset so it wouldn't be quite so hot.  Their backpacks were loaded with water and some trail mix.  That's all we need for an evening of quality time together!  I'm eagerly awaiting the cooler weather to get on with our outdoor adventures.

See you soon.